Just a fair warning, this blog post is going to be a bit different than my entries in the past.  A lot has been happening in my life, and I felt so many emotions this last couple of days.  If I said I wasn't depressed, I would be lying. 

     As many of you know, I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons).  There is so much expected of us as members of his church.  At times it's overwhelming, for example 3 hours of church every Sunday, visiting members, sometimes meetings in the middle of the week.  My ward is so incredibly hard to get to know.  We have lived here over a year, and I have an acquaintance is all.  No one that I can really be friends with.

     When we moved here from Coeur D Alene, I left my dear friend behind that I loved like a sister, heartbroken to leave her.  I miss her everyday! 

     I work in a hospital full time, and I work 3 twelve hour shifts, and mostly 3 in a row.  This is so I can have multiple days off.  I have been learning a new job over this past 2 weeks.  I am a MA - CNA by trade, but my body is breaking down so I have decided to work at the front desk.  My heart aches because I love patient care, to get to know your patients has been such a blessing in my life.  I have seen so many sad cases and miracles as I have worked in the rehab hospital.  Truly blessed my life.  I will miss this work immensely!  However, as we age we can't do as much.  My knees are shot from years of abuse ie, skiing, water skiing and patient care.

     I have also had some challenges in just this last couple of months.  In November I suffered a pulmonary embolism as I'm sure you have read.  This was a devastating diagnosis.  Put on blood thinners, wakeful nights thinking I may not wake up, seriously frightening!  On top of that news, my husband lost his job.  Now I have that to worry about as well.  He is an older gent, and employers do look at that. 

     This past Saturday, I lost one of my dear friends to cancer.  She struggled with this for months, years....She and I had some wonderful memories, why would she be taken so young from her family that loved her, from her friends, and she was so talented in quilting!  She was a wealth of info when it came to sewing.  She had so many talents.  As I'm writing this, tears fill my eyes just thinking about all the great times we had together.  I met her just after we were married 32 years ago.  She became my fast friend.  I have lost too many friends to cancer, and while my husband is my best friend, he's not a girl!  There is just something about girlfriends you know?

     I don't tell you all this to depress you, but it is all kind of depressing.  I tell you this because life is a challenge.  Yesterday I didn't go to church because I was tired, and beat from the news of my friend.  I just needed some time to wrap my head around it.  I also began to think about my future or the week ahead.  Do I really want to wallow in self pity?  Do I want to sit in a dark house all alone and just watch endless hours of Netflix? 

     The answer to the above question, was at first yes!  Then I got to thinking that God really would be upset with me.  My ward is so difficult, but I know he wouldn't want me to give up.  He wants me to endure until the end.  He wants me to fight!  He wants me to be happy!  How can we attain happiness in our lives?  We can follow the Savior, I believe in his atonement!  He died for me!  He paid for my sins.  I must go to the church that is unfriendly because that's where I'm supposed to be!  I can learn more about the Savior, I can do this for me!!!  I'm not there for others, I'm there for me.  I can also be an example to those at church, and be nice to them.

     Another way to come out of the doldrums, is to count my blessings!  I have so much to be thankful for!  I have an amazing husband that supports my every whim!  He loves ME!  We have 3 great children, all who served as missionaries for our church!  One oldest son is married to an awesome girl whom I love dearly, and they have 2 beautiful little girls.  That in itself is so great! 

     Life is so hard!  We all have challenges, no one is exempt!  We are here on this earth to overcome our challenges.  We are here to see how we handle things.  We are here to prove ourselves to do what we know is right.  Life is too short to be sad!  The sun WILL come out!  Things always work out.  I need to have the faith that things will be fine.  It's an ongoing challenge, but I'm sick and tired of being unhappy!  It's time to find things that make me happy.  I need to serve others, to reach out to those that are in need, that way I forget about me and find happiness in serving others. 

     I hope all that read this are doing well.  I hope you are eating healthy and are happy.  Life is what YOU make it! 
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1 comment:

AJ said...

Sorry you've had such a hard time. Hugs.